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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Living Alone…

August 27, 2013

The other day, I was wrapping up a particularly gratifying post-workout shower when I looked down into the tub and saw an absolutely enormous bug. It was possibly a spider, but I could only see six legs, so I have to assume it was some other terrible crawling animal…In my shower…Directly next to my left foot. I screamed. Then I laughed, because it just surprised me. I decided to finish my shower and then wash it down the drain. Yes, you read that correctly: I finished rinsing the soap off my body standing next to a huge (probably already dead…probably because I stepped on it, but I’d like to ignore that possibility) bug.

 

I’ve lived alone for thirteen months now and I think I’m finally understanding why this was such an important undertaking. See, I’d never lived alone before. I went from my parents’ house, to college roommates, to my Manhattan roommate, to co-habitation here in LA. Last summer I found the perfect studio apartment in my favorite LA neighborhood and jumped in to living alone without really thinking about it. When you’re about to move in with a roommate or significant other you take lots of time to go over your compatibility, living habits, TV schedules, work schedules, sleep schedules, etc, but when you’re embarking upon living alone, you don’t assess your OWN living habits…because they’re yours and of course you like them. Or do you?

 

If your internet stops working out of the blue, and you scream about it…does anyone hear you? These tantrums are for me alone, because I’m frustrated as hell that the internet went out and I don’t even have another human to be like, “Oh, you just have to press this button…oh wait, that didn’t work either? Hmmm.” Because even that, while useless, is helpful and creates a sense of shared frustration. When my internet goes out and I can’t get it back on, do you know what I do now? I unplug it and read a book. WHAT!? Yes. I know. It’s extreme, but what are my options? Scream at the TV? Fight with myself?

 

Sure, I don’t have anyone to just “massage that knot in my shoulder for, like, a minute, please?” but I have this awesome tennis ball that I lay on top of on the floor while I’m watching my thirteenth episode of South Park. Not to mention, the last massage I had to give was to a batch of farmer’s market kale.

 

Which brings me to food. I love to cook. I love to eat and now I have leftovers, too! Also, if I want to, I can eat sunflower seed butter out of the jar with a side of cured black olives and half a bottle of wine for dinner, because NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP ME! And the best part is this: I’ll feel like shit and no one will say “I told you so” when I have to spend the next three hours facedown on the couch re-watching the cocaine episode of Girls with a bellyache…but I probably won’t do it again because I learned my lesson all alone (at least not all those foods together…that’s a lot of fat, even if you’re on The Mediterranean Diet…which I’m not, technically).

 

The question is, how do I bounce back from living this life of near-nudist luxury and learn to live [with someone else] again?

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 29, 2013 7:18 PM

    Are you planning on moving in with someone? If not, just enjoy the freedom. Though I can see why having someone else around would help keep you on track in terms of socials norms – but whatever.

    If you are moving back in with someone, well they’ll learn to love your quirks and maybe you just won’t eat condiments out of the jar anymore.

  2. Eileen permalink
    September 4, 2013 6:51 AM

    You find little spaces of aloneness to appreciate. Oh, you’re walking the dog? Let me pull up that embarrassingly juvenile Buzzfeed article I’ve been thinking about reading. You have to work late? Bummer. I’ll just be here naked-eating an entire wheel of brie for dinner. Later I’ll “work out” by myself in the “yoga room” while I “hate”-watch Toddlers in Tiaras.

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