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July 12, 2016

I spent almost two weeks in Europe alone. I didn’t get lost, I didn’t get sick, I didn’t get arrested or drugged. I saw three new cities and three new countries. I ate food I wasn’t so sure I would like and sometimes I liked it, but usually I didn’t. I drank tea in London and beer in Brussels and espresso in Amsterdam and absinthe in Berlin and cider in London and whiskey in Amsterdam and wine in Berlin and whiskey in London and coffee in Amsterdam and beer in Berlin. I went to six museums and had dinners entirely alone. I had dinners with friends and strangers and family I haven’t seen in a decade. I cried alone, I laughed my face off with friends I haven’t seen in years. I sat by rivers and watched farms out the window of a train compartment.

I got angry and sad about things back at home. I got jealous of other people’s vacations while on my own. I got mad I didn’t have time to go to more places. I started reading a book. I stayed on two couches and in four beds. I did handstands with strangers and drank beers under an umbrella on the street with New Jersey-ans. I walked through the rain with a hood over my head. I ran through London and Berlin and did yoga in Amsterdam. I listened to music and started writing a book (maybe). I talked to Dutch bartenders and German mixologists and French tourists and yoga teachers from Toronto and a political advisor named John who explained why there weren’t trains in Newfoundland and Dutch boys who’d just pissed off a bridge into the canals and a Mexican consultant and Australian tourists and a woman with a baby who left her jacket on a train and Artem in Amsterdam and Angela in Berlin and my friends’ friends from high school and work and people at a party in Notting Hill and a bar in Southwark and a pub in Chiswick and actors and mathematicians and dads and business partners and bosses and more.

I almost missed a flight, I almost vomited on a plane, I got fined 60 Euros, I saw an improv play, I wrote my wishes on a piece of paper at the Jewish museum, I saw girls in their underwear standing in windows, I tripped up the stairs and skinned my left knee. I left a black sock in London. I stole an umbrella from a bar in Amsterdam. I pretended to watch soccer. I called it football. I pretended to care. I eavesdropped, a lot.

I listened to that Tame Impala album about ten times and a fuck ton of the same Adele song. I talked a lot to my iPhone video camera and will probably never show anyone those videos.

I told my friends how I was frustrated that this trip wasn’t solving all my problems and wasn’t transformative and how I wasn’t sure what I expected that I would learn, but I wasn’t learning it. I was wrong. I learned to trust. I learned to be alone so much that now I’m ready to step back from it. I’m ready to share. I’m ready to adapt my schedule. I’m ready to share. I said that already, but I’m ready to share. I’m ready to live a little slower and sit and chat a little longer and I’m ready to look into someone’s eyes and stay a minute. Being scared of the end result is exhausting. I’m done with fear of the unknown.

I’m ready to have important conversations and silly conversations and moments where I just listen. I’m ready to work hard and take my time and be wherever I am, while I’m there. And I’m ready to care more about all of the people. And I’m ready to not be affected by the judgment of others.

I’m going to fix my teeth and take care of my skin and run fast and swim hard and sit in the sun and eat what makes me feel good.

I’m going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.


5 Comments leave one →
  1. July 12, 2016 10:03 PM

    Love the vulnerable adventurousness spirit you’ve shared! Travel on sister.

  2. July 13, 2016 3:45 AM

    Yes! Sounds like a perfect, and perfectly amazing, trip! Let’s have one of those important, and silly, conversations mid-September in LA. x

  3. Sal permalink
    July 13, 2016 6:34 AM

    Love this. Love you

  4. July 13, 2016 11:14 PM

    Hmm. I commented yesterday but it seems to have vanished. I LOVE this post Adria. Sounds like a brilliant trip. Can’t wait to have silly, and important, conversations with you (over whiskey, or beer) mid-September. xx -S.

    • July 14, 2016 12:14 AM

      Didn’t vanish! I forgot to approve all the comments! THANK YOU STEPHEN! Let’s have those conversations in September! Glad to hear you’ll be back in town 🙂

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