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Letters to my former self…

October 22, 2013

Found some old notebooks and went through them recently. I think it’s interesting to share thoughts from past versions of ourselves sometimes. Here’s some fun little highlights & colorful commentary in hindsight:

February, 2004

“I’m really going to miss this place! it’s February. In 6 months I’ll be in college. When did I get so old?”

Oh shut up, 17 year old Adria.

“Miami April 10-15 ’04

Nobu at the Shore Club. Wow! Rain, Thunder, Lightening [sic], frogs, vaginas. Sat + talked in gorgeous cabana w/white beds, pillows, white sheets, candles and Ronny from NYU with the cigar.”

At least at one point in your life you could afford to eat at a place like Nobu, but I’m sorry…frogs & vaginas? And you’re about to go to college and you can’t spell lightning? Ronny from NYU with the cigar might be oddly unmemorable, but the white sheet obsession is forever.

“6/15/04

There’s something about being in high school that’s just so forgiveable. You’re expected to constantly make the wrong decisions. So what is the next step? How does one transition from expected error to constant charm? We can’t all just be expected to dine at the Plaza on our eighteenth birthdays, some of us want to make mistakes forever. AB”

Oh MAN! Don’t worry, you’ll continue to make mistakes for a long time. Good job predicting that one. And as for the next step? Here’s a preview, it involves a lot of alcohol and classic rock. And no one is constantly charming, especially people who use phrases like “dine at the Plaza”, you brat.

“February 2006

I desperately need to get out of this country. I ache. Something terribly important is MISSING! Why am I so obsessed with re-living my life through documents and words and pictures and boxes? I wish I knew how to feel CLEAN! Fulfill my desire and not have regrets. Hope is the most painful emotion. If giving up were harder I could let myself commit such a tyrannous act. I’m not strong, I’m just too weak to stop trying.”

Oh, holy Jesus, Adria. Okay. One step at a time here. What’s missing? Your sanity. Clearly this nostalgia thing isn’t ending anytime soon. To feel clean, try a shower. Or less Keystone Light and sleeping on couches in Fraternity houses. Ew. Also, it sounds like you’re depressed and reading WAY too much Shakespeare. Such a tyrannous act? Really? REALLY!? And I don’t know what the hell this all means, but it sounds pretty strong to me being that you view giving up as a TYRANNOUS ACT you LUNATIC. Seriously, stop reading so much.

“Sunday 11 February 07 [London]

I’ve decided that I take myself out on Sundays. Try and find new places in the city–new things I like. Today, after a particularly nice workout I wondered around, walking directly into the red carpet for the BAFTAs. Nothing too interesting though, I didn’t feel like standing around and not even seeing anything so I found a Health Food store and bought Veggie Burgers and Sausages (I’ve been looking everywhere). Now I’m sitting in a cafe called Maison Malinowski somewhere between Covent Garden and Soho. I just had a delicious croissant w/jam and an Earl Grey tea and read some of The Changeling. I really enjoy this Sunday day alone thing. […] Last night we went to the Soho Lounge, nothing special but a decent time. The grilled cheese I made myself when I got home was better than the club. […] I’m horribly excited to go to Barcelona next weekend and Paris in March.”

I’m going to kill you, you pompous little shit. Oh boy, you really are an insufferable little health food store seeking nutcase. Vegetarian sausages, isn’t that a metaphor for this stage of your life. The grilled cheese thing stands up, though. Totally still prefer grilled cheese to clubs. Yup. I’m horribly excited for you to grow out of this fanciful manner of writing. PS: What happens in The Changeling, we don’t remember.

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