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Being the You You Love

May 2, 2012

I don’t want to be one of those people who never does anything because they’re sitting around waiting for something to happen. I’m afraid I’m going to be one of those people.

When you’re a teenager and in your early twenties it’s easy to think about all of the things that you want to do in your life with reckless abandon. Then all of a sudden things come up. It’s harder to do different things. You’re a little bit older and you know that if you’re going to live in Europe for a few months you should probably just buy that plane ticket and go get that Visa. I want to live in Europe for a few months. I want to pack six dresses, a bikini, a few books and my laptop and go live in Italy for a little while. I want to write a book in between weekend trips to France and Germany. I want to take three hour lunches alternating glasses of red wine with espresso.

I want to really learn how to surf. I want to go to a surf camp in Costa Rica and wake up every morning at dawn to a fresh mango and go to sleep at night with aching arms, salt water in my ears and sand underneath my fingernails.

I want to get yoga teacher certification. I want to spend a week in the forest with my foot in my hand and my breath leveling itself out as the time passes.

And then there’s my career, which I want more than anything. Unfortunately, the realistic career of an actor involves a lot of waiting around. When things pick up they can really pick up, but for most people it’s an endless cycle of either waiting for auditions to come up, or waiting to hear back from auditions, or waiting to hear if you or the other person got the part. So with so much waiting in my future how do I know when to take a break and stop waiting and start doing something else. Not permanently, mind you, but temporarily. When do I take those three months and run off to Tuscany?

Last night I asked myself a question for the first time in a long time, I said, what do you want now, Adria Rose. I meant business, I used my middle name. It hadn’t occurred to me to really think about that question because I know what I want. I know that I’m here in LA to pursue a career that I’ve worked towards for my entire life. But what about now? It’s easy to look at the big picture and have big, lofty goals, but it’s harder to think about what you want short term. The past six months have been incredibly intense and I’ve spent a lot of time and energy on giving to other people and while that has been spectacularly rewarding, I need to start thinking about myself again. Not in a selfish way, but in the same generous manner that I’ve been thinking about others. It’s time to go. Again. Really go. Really get to work on being the person that I’ve dreamt about becoming, living the life that makes me wake up with a smile on my face each morning.

 

I think that starts with waking each morning and putting a smile on your face. And waking to this how could you not?

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 3, 2012 10:58 AM

    I am so afraid of becoming that person. I’ve spent a lot of time lately focusing on that fear and trying to think of ways to make sure I get more out of my life.

  2. May 7, 2012 7:08 PM

    Such a hard question to answer. What do I want now? I want to not feel like shit. I’ll work on loftier goals later.

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