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Musings for a Monday

March 26, 2012

Hang out with me.

Anorexic table tennis is so in right now: Hunger Games.

I need to send a fax. This isn’t a joke. I really do. Help.

If I spent as much time being productive as I do stalking girls I want to emulate on the internet, I’d be a millionaire by now.

I spend entirely too much time contemplating what I want to be reincarnated as. Current forerunners: a spoiled golden retriever, a crunchy Granny Smith apple (I don’t know), an ugly butterfly (think about it, no one wants to capture you and put you in a jar), a kangaroo, the firstborn grandchild of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez.

It’s impossible to talk about my obsession with two to three year old boys without sounding like a pedophile.

No one ever got hurt from choreographing modern dances in secret in their living room.

The last point is untrue. Many banged up shins and twisted ankles just called in to argue against that.

Does anyone dream of being a radio DJ anymore?

Speaking of, if Ryan Seacrest wanted to buy me, who’s to stop him?

Friends should be required to give a reason if they’re going to break up with you. Especially if they are the weird one.

Will someone send me a letter? I’d like a piece of mail that wasn’t a bill.

What happens to your credit card debt when you die?

Would you like me better if I was French?

Some cheap hipster is probably having their wedding photographed by Instagram as we speak.

If any of you know Neko Case, can you tell her to call me? I’d like to have a veggie burger with her.

 

Also, if you’re in LA tonight come see me do stand up at The Comedy Store at 8. That’s all.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 26, 2012 8:21 PM

    Love this post! I love getting letters too.

    p.s. I had to log in using Facebook to comment because WordPress wasn’t taking my usual email etc. Weird.

  2. Eileen permalink
    March 27, 2012 1:49 PM

    The assets of your estate are used to pay your debts for up to as much as they will cover. If it’s a joint credit card account, the other card holder is liable for the rest. Otherwise, the debt goes away.

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