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How Did I Get Here?

April 4, 2011

This is moderately related...sort of...right?

What if, instead of lamenting what is not, we embraced what was?

Why can’t we remember that this is all we get? Why are we constantly bogging ourselves down with stress over nothing?

I was driving to a BBQ this afternoon and it occurred to me that despite setbacks and my life not necessarily looking great on paper, I’m really happy right now. And more shockingly, I’m really liking Los Angeles. It’s so easy to spend time whining about the negative aspects of your life and neglect the fact that things are pretty good. Granted, I was headed to a party that was full of New York transplants. I like to think about it like we’re the transfer kids. We all transferred in in the past few years, you know, like you can do in college, and we mostly hang out with other people who transferred from New York. This backyard in Los Feliz was strangely reminiscent of a backyard in Brooklyn, or a bar in the East Village, but the sun was shining and I was among 17 other actors between 22-32.

I know what you’re thinking: “I’d rather memorize II Henry IV than sit in a backyard in Los Angeles with 17 hipster actors”, and normally, ME TOO. But this was a little bit different. No one asked me how it is that I can afford my rent right now. No one made fun of my outfit (okay, they did). No one sang any musical theatre songs. And everyone was pretty cool. No one was being a douchebag, although one guy had a shirt on that said, “I’m An Actor…may I take your order” and he was playing the Ringo Starr Pandora station on his BlackBerry. So I guess that was pretty douche-y…but harmless, and kind of entertaining.
Do you ever find yourself in a place and think, “how did I get here?” Today was full of that. The obvious, “why am I drinking Hefeweizen, watching a Trail Blazers game, playing pool well, and eating BBQ wings at 9 pm on a Sunday night in a place with an indoor smoking section, disco lights, and blaring techno music?” and the less obvious: “What brought me to living in California, co-habitating, working three jobs, and tunnel-visioning through life with my eyes barely open?”

All very important questions, especially the disco lights and the techno music. When is the last time that you asked yourself, “How did I get here?”

2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 4, 2011 7:32 AM

    This post makes me think of that song by The Talking Heads – “Once in a Lifetime.”

    I often wonder this myself – why I’m not working in my field and why I’m stuck – yet I’m pretty happy right now. I know I need to make changes but more importantly I’m trying to enjoy my life in the meantime 🙂

  2. April 19, 2011 12:23 PM

    “No one was being a douchebag, although one guy had a shirt on that said, “I’m An Actor…may I take your order” and he was playing the Ringo Starr Pandora station on his BlackBerry.”


    Love your writing!

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