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>I Would Have Left the Apple, Eve!

October 21, 2010

>I was going to write a post today about the fantastic play I saw last night at The Public Theatre, but then today provided a significant amount of blog fodder so I’ll save the “review” of In The Wake for tomorrow.

For some reason the universe [the universe, God, whatever you choose to believe. No judgement] decided that women should be blessed with the ability to grow new life inside them, to carry life and then give birth. For some reason, going along with that we also have to spend a good portion of each month wondering why we’ve been cutting the edges off of someone else’s carrot cake and eating it straight off of the knife, or crying in an ATM vestibule, or wondering where all of the cheese cubes disappeared to. I don’t mean to rail against my own gender, but I’m really starting to understand the argument against women in power. I know, I know that’s the worst thing any forward-thinking, liberal minded person could say, but I’m serious here. Somewhere between the ATM crying, the hour and a half adventure of finding a parking spot, and spilling a whole Venti “Calm” tea at Starbucks I took a long moment to think about what the outcome would be if I had to make a decision that impacted more than just the lady who’s leather coat got boiling water on it. The results were clear, I’d sit down, put my head in my hands and say, “I don’t effing care about Social Security right now, I just need a nap. Please, [whimper], please, [whine] all of you just leave this oblong office”.

Only now, after re-reading this do I realize the error of my thinking. Women are not necessarily ill-equipped to make proper world leaders, I am. My emotions are akin to one of those chinese yo-yos that you can swing above your head [well, you probably can’t, but that’s okay, I can’t either] right now. Yes this has to do with the curse of womanhood [if I weren’t so self-involved and curious I’d sell my–Jewish– eggs a few times and then tie the shit out of my tubes and end the curse forever, but predictably, I’d like to pro-create and pop out some monsters and see if they have my eyes. sigh], but it also has to do with the fact that I’m finally leaving New York. Yes, the departure date is set, the packing has begun, the cheap ass SUV that was purchased on eBay has been fixed, and I’ll be driving across this nation o’ ours come November 1st. My goodbye party is this Saturday night (of course I’m throwing it for myself, do you really think I trust someone else with these fragile affairs?) and I’ve been walking around like a tourist staring up at buildings and trying to be prematurely nostalgic, so I think its finally time.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s an empty container of cheese cubes that I should go cry into.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. October 21, 2010 3:07 AM

    >Awe. I bet you are a very rational and together person. We all have our days and weeks.I always have to throw my own parties too.

  2. October 21, 2010 6:16 PM

    >I won't pretend I know what you're going through, because biology would go right ahead and reveal my lack of sincerity. I will say that it's not just you; I'm prone to toddler tantrums and wild mood swings so have barred myself from positions of power. It's for the great good. Good luck with the move! Have a great party!

  3. October 22, 2010 3:23 AM

    >Aww girl, we have all been there. I am the same way when it comes to emotions. I can only feel one at a time, and it's either all or nothing.Good luck with your new adventures coming your way, and remember it's your party and you can cry if you want too!

  4. October 22, 2010 3:23 PM

    >Don't think for a minute missing cheese cubes aren't worth crying over. New York misses you already!

  5. October 26, 2010 4:20 PM

    >FYI: during the menstrual phase when women experience "PMS" symptoms, their estrogen levels are at their lowest. Most resembling a man's.

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