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>A Spattering of Uselessness

October 2, 2010

>Oh hey, October! Where the hell did you come from? Wasn’t it July five minutes ago? I blinked and missed labor day weekend. I need some help here, I don’t seem to understand how this happened so quickly. I wake up saying “rabbit rabbit” every morning, or so it seems.

The sun will come out tomorrow. Or so says ba…ba….ba…bum. sigh.

Sometimes I think I’ve checked out of my own life.

The Social Network is over-advertised. I wanted to see it and now I want to boycott because it’s pissing me off.

My stand-up show last night went pretty well. I had some seriously supportive friends come out, which was great! The audience needed a few hits of cocaine speed red bull by the time I went on, but I got a few good, hearty chuckles on my Staten Island joke and the story about the homeless lady who grabbed my right boob. (True story. It was pretty traumatic at the time, but gosh darn it is it funny now.)

I’m listening to the Nat King Cole Pandora station. At 12:30 am. On a Friday. When I’m moving in three weeks. Please tell me that this choice isn’t regrettable. That’s what you are. Just, regrettable, in every way. And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay (Yes. Shoot me).

I was thinking recently about some TV shows that I’d like to re-watch. Namely Undressed. It was soft-softcore porn for the sneaky, horny pre-teen. I used to watch it every chance I got, mostly while sneaking Tofutti tofu ice cream out of the freezer and pretending I was getting away with something. Also, Are You Afraid of the Dark? I can’t even tell you how many times I used to ask my parents if I could put out a fire with sand. Just as a side note, do you remember how on Guts (probably Global Guts too), Mo would always be like, “…and remember, don’t try this at home!”? I built an Agro Crag in my driveway. I was probably 7 years old and I collected the biggest rocks I could find and made a pile of them and attempted to climb them. I just went on ebay, by the way, to see if anyone was selling a “piece of the crag”. They’re not. I’d so buy that. They do have Legends of the Hidden Temple tee shirts though. Green Monkeys anyone?

I’ll just have you all know that I had to turn off Pandora due to the fact that I started to feel like an old lady. I put my iTunes on shuffle and Gone, by Nsync came up. I’m listening to it now, for real. Now I feel like the girl I once was, two Princess Leia/Emo buns atop my head, sparkly cherry tee shirt (sluttier than the one pictured), cheap eyeliner, and Puma sneakers. I feel dirty just thinking about it. I will say this…that Nsync concert at Giants Stadium circa 2001 was awesome. God, that wasn’t in the 90s? I’m embarrassed. I ate a knish at that concert. I ate a potato knish at an Nsync concert.

If Justin Timberlake can overcome those days so can I.

Goodnight. If you’ve made it this far you deserve a knish.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. October 2, 2010 9:02 AM

    >I had to google knish. And now I want one. I might have to settle for a samosa.

  2. October 2, 2010 4:35 PM

    >Hahaha, I haven't thought about Legends of the Hidden Temple and Are You Afraid of the Dark in years! I'm all nostalgic now.And I totally read the whole thing. Where's my knish? πŸ˜›

  3. October 2, 2010 4:51 PM

    >Lauren I mailed it to your commune…must've gotten snapped up. πŸ™‚

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