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May 25, 2010

>All I can hope is that I am surrounded by infectious laughter in about four hours…you see, my stand up performance is tonight. I’m not sure if I’m shaking right now out of nervousness or because I just went for a run and its 80º and the sun was beating down on me. Regardless, I’m fucking nervous. And I never get nervous. I’m serious…my heart usually beats double time as I’m about to walk onstage for an acting performance, but the nerves usually subside by the time that I’ve spoken my first line. This is so different, and I really think I might vomit before I go onstage. I’m not even exaggerating. Also, none of my friends can come because everyone is broke or busy so I’m super nervous that I’m not going to get the required 7 audience members and then I won’t even be able to go onstage…which would be super embarrassing. 

Okay, before I go force feed myself dinner and clean myself (no one likes a smelly comic), I just want to relay what just happened. I’m broke, so naturally I ordered myself a dress off of one of those sale sites ( and it came in the mail yesterday, but I wasn’t here to sign for it, plus my buzzer is broken, I can’t buzz anyone in, even though I hear the buzzes, and I live on the 5th floor of a walk-up, so how would I know anyway? So I left a post-it on the door before I went out for my run, just in case, saying “Dear UPS, The buzzer is broken and I can’t buzz you in, so please buzz and I will come down to sign for my package, Thanks, 5N”. So, of course, as soon as I got back from my run and was covered in sweat and standing around chugging tap water in my sports bra, the buzzer rings. I SPRINT into my room, grab a tshirt off of the floor, take the closest slip-on shoes out of the closet (girl looks good in running shorts and black flats, lemme tell you), and BOUND down the five flights of stairs just to retrieve my package. I felt really, really stupid in front of that UPS guy, who laughed at me. Good thing I didn’t leave my keys in my apartment. And now I have a pretty new dress, that I cannot afford.
If anyone at all reads this before 9:00 pm, EST, tonight, say a little prayer for me, my bank account, and my stand up routine. Full report tomorrow.
One Comment leave one →
  1. May 25, 2010 11:48 PM

    >Hey, good luck! You are brave to try stand-up, the concept of getting up in front of strangers and being funny is one that has always terrified me. You are hilarious though (at least your blog is hilarious – I can only imagine your routine is hilarious as well). I would come watch you if I didn't live on the west coast haha.

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