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>Guest Blogger: Jesus

May 18, 2010

>I lost a follower. Moment of silence…

Okay…let’s get two more in their place? Losing followers is really sad, I feel like a failed religious prophet or something. Can you imagine if Jesus had a blog? “Today I walked across the dessert and lots of shit went down…my feet are killing me now. Where’s Mary Magdelene for a foot rub when you need her, slut. All in the name of Dad. Amen.” Sorry, that wasn’t meant to be offensive, I’m just really tired. I woke up at 4:50 today to shoot an episode of Boardwalk Empire. It’s set in the 1920s so I sat in hair and make up getting LOADS of curlers put in and a kewpie style lip-look done for about an hour, and then I stood on the boardwalk in the rain for hours. It was uncomfortably cold and wet all morning. All in the name of…art? We’ll see when the show comes out next fall. Looks good, though. I just wish I had lines in these things, you know just one little, “good morning!” to a main character, because the part was featured enough. I was blowing kisses at the camera for chrissake…oh, sorry. Jesus is going to blog about us assholes who use his name in vain later in the week. I feel like that’d be a good Thursday edition, “People Who’ve Blasphemed This Week and What I’m Going to do to Punish Them”. I digress.

I need a nap immediately. I’m already all set up for it…lying in bed (sans duvet cover, thanks to the stupid cleaners that haven’t delivered my clean laundry yet…gawwwwwsh), playing my “jazz” artists on shuffle on ye olde ipod, alarm set for 7:30 pm, already ordered lingerie off (why? you ask? becaaaauuuse the Jew in me can’t resist good bargains. In fact, Jesus probably often found himself buying cloth wraps half-off at discount stores and used the same excuse)

I’m clearly mental right now. I’m calling it quits…passing out until its time to watch Lost. Let’s be honest.


PS: Gossip Girl just auf-ed (omg, I JUST got that expression. So dumb. Like the time I realized that ‘rents was short for paRENTS. Ugh) themselves last night and went the way of The OC. I am no longer a loyal viewer. Ciao, Leighton Meester’s waist, you were excellent workout inspiration, I shall look to the “next” Blair Waldorf (just as I looked to the “next Summer Roberts” some years ago-although, Blair will never be as fun as Summer was. I miss Seth Cohen sometimes…for real. I have sad moments when I miss that character) for that extra ten minutes on the elliptical in the future.
One Comment leave one →
  1. May 20, 2010 3:25 AM

    >Oh GROSS I just looked up auf'd on urban dictionary and you're right, that really is terrible. Also, all I saw in my reader was: "Guest blogger: Jesus. I lost a follower" and I burst out laughing.

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